Friday, June 29, 2007

Mr. Clean

Quite out of the blue, my wife recently said to me, "You should start doing a "guy vacation" to go play golf or something every year. A lot of guys at work do it and they have a lot of fun."

While interesting, I'm not quite sure how to take this. I have several thoughts on it though:
  1. My wife, realizing that I've been quite on edge since the baby was born, is truly concerned about my snapping at an inoportune moment (such as at the beach in two weeks when one of the other in-laws says something annoying to me) and desires that I get away and do something selfish for a while
  2. My wife really wants to go have a "girls vacation" and is using this as justification at a later date

So let's think about these two things. Option 1, is very plausible. My wife has become astute at reading my moods over our near 8-year marriage; probably because when it gets to be "my time of the month" I just clam up, stop talking and start cleaning. Been doing that a lot lately. But as any concientious father will tell you, this whole "go do your thing" idea is fraught with guilty perils. Were I to go on said trip, I would constantly worry about how my wife is getting along with the boys. And then when I returned, I would constantly be trying to "pay her back" by allowing her to go do all sorts of things on her own. Which I wouldn't mind doing, except that I neglect things around the house enough as it is. If I'm suddenly watching the kids all the time...the house, and yard will go downhill fast.

Then there's Option 2...the idea that she really wants to go do her own thing. There are couples I know who do everything together, and there are couples I know who do nothing together. I feel bad for both. Too much of a good thing...well, isn't a good thing. On the flip-side, if you don't spend some time together away from the rigors of daily life, what kind of relationship are you building...and believe you me, marriage is never a done deal...you must always be working at it.

At 34, I'd like to think that I'm above naked jealousy, but the fact is that I'm not. When guys go out, they go out with a purpose: I'm going to play golf, or I'm going to have a beer, whatever. But you ask a group of women what they are going to do, "We don't know. We just want to get out and have fun." When a guy hears this, he hears, "We don't know...all we know is that we're bored with staying home with our man and we want to go out and do something different."

Trust me when I say that "doing something different" conjures up all sorts of wild and crazy ideas in a husband/boyfriend's mind...and not in a good "wild and crazy" way that involves kinky going's on when she comes home.

So, I'm not sure I'm kosher with this "guy vacation" idea, as much as I long to get away. Not to mention, it's financially unfeasible. I mean, we barely have the money to get away as a couple, so I'm not sure how I'd justify dropping $500-$600 on a guy vacation.

Even at 34, we still play games. Good? Bad? Who knows...alls I know is that I had better find a good, cheap replacement housekeeper before I rub a hole in the carpet trying to get out out my frustrations at nobody and nothing in particular!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Today's Bible Lesson Brought to Us by...

Ecclesiastes 7: 15-18

7:15 All things have I seen in the days of my vanity: there is a just man that perisheth in his righteousness, and there is a wicked man that prolongeth his life in his wickedness.
7:16 Be not righteous over much, neither make thyself over wise; why should though destroy thyself?
7:17 Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish; why shouldest thou die before thy time?
7:18 It is good that thou shouldest take hold of this; yea also from this withdraw not thine hand: for he that feareth God shall come forth of them all.


Having grown up in church, I pride myself on having at least a working knowledge of the Bible. So imagine my intrigue when I read the above scriptures the other day that when paraphrased in the New Living Bible, basically said, "I've seen good people die young, and wicked people live to a ripe old age. So don't be too good or too bad because if you love God, he's going to take care of you either way."

Wow! Now doesn't that just fly in the face of "I know your works; you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot. So, because your are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I am about to spit you out of my mouth." (Revelation 3:15-16 NRSV Bible)

This is what drives me nuts about the Bible, and about churches. They take one scripture and translate it literally, and then they take another and try to translate it into a metaphor that they live by. Either the Bible is literal or it isn't.

At any rate, I've decided that this is how I live my life--not too good, and not too bad. If I were to put my life on a balance, I hope that I far outweigh to the Good side, but who knows?

However, lately I might be adding to my Bad balance because I've been sneaking out at night watering my yard and bushes even though there is a complete watering ban in my county during the week. I get it that we all share the water and if I take more than my share, others suffer, but Dangit! I just spent $2K on new bushes and such and I'll be darned if I'm gonna let them die. Plus, if my grass dies, my home owner's association says I have to immediately fix it. And then what? Put new grass down, water it with a 30-day permit, which might take me through middle-August, and then it dies again because I can't water it but one day a week.

Ya know...just sue me...cuz I'm gonna water my yard. I just hope God doesn't hold it against me.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Random Thoughts

I was up later than normal last night (11 p.m.) because I got hooked on a movie and didn't want to turn it off. The problem with this is that by the time my brain shut off and I drifted off to sleep, it was nearly 11:30 and "that baby" woke up at 4:30. So now here I am, with about 5 hours of sleep, and I have a crap-load of creative work to do at the office and my muse just wants to go back to bed...
So, today's blog will be more like random thoughts that I couldn't stop thinking about last night:

A. A hacker named "Gabriel" claims to have penetrated Rowling's publishing house and has leaked the details (here) to the last Harry Potter book. A couple of thoughts here:

  1. I find it interesting that this so-called hacker chose the same name as the antagonist in the new Bruce Willis Die Hard movie due out any day now. And I SO wanna see this movie.
  2. Whoever this "Gabriel" hacker is, he's either nearly illiterate, or English is not his native language because even having read the ending, I'm still not 100% sure I know what happens. This might also be because I'm not totally into the franchise and don't know all the characters.
  3. Due to the fact that I work at a network security company, the way he claims to have gotten this info is totally plausible. All it takes is one village idiot in a company to open you up.

B. The movie I was up watching late last night was "Mindhunters." I watched it because I recently re-watched the movie "Hackers" both for it's relation to what I do for a living, and because it's actually an enjoyable flick (and you get to see what Angelina Jolie looked like with about 15 extra pounds and pixie-short hair). Johnny Lee Miller plays in both and he's a good actor and when I saw he was in Mindhunter, I checked it out. Surprisingly, Val Kilmer is in it, as is LL Cool J and Christian Slater. How did this movie NOT do well? Probably because it's a bit of a horror flick, but a very good one actually. I highly recommend if you're bored.

C. I've thrown out all the hard liquor in the house, and since having done so, I may not have lost any weight per se, but it looks like I have. My skin is clearer (course, I've also gotten over a sinus infection and that does wonders for the old complexion) and I'm not retaining nearly as much water. But I have to admit that there are times when I long for a nice night-cap. Especially at times like last night when I can't sleep.

Well, must get ready for the old job. Have a great day all!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

You Know You're Getting Old When...

We bought the house we now live in late last year and when I first toured the house with the Realtor (I'm not sure she's an actual REALTOR) one of the first things I did was look at the backyard. After walking out on the deck and peering over its edge onto a backyard that had a severe slope that started right after the deck supports and ended up about 12 feet down the hill, I immediately said, "No way!"

But after looking at a dozen more houses and finding nothing comparable for the price, I did what we all do when we REALLY want something, but when there are valid reasons for not getting it...I rationalized.

I rationalized that I could plant grass and shrubs on it and it would be beautiful. I rationalized that I could build steps down the side leading to the flat area down by the creek. And indeed, all these things have come to pass (well, I wouldn't call it "beautiful" at this point just yet).

However, having had to weed-eat this hill (since it's far too steep for a mower), while trying to keep from sliding down the hill at every step, I finally decided maybe it was time to re-think my idea. And again...I rationalized, except this time I started thinking about this hill and my caring for it when I'm in my 50s. It went something like this:

"Do I really want to be trying to cut this grass without breaking my neck when my body is 15 years older and more beat up than it is now? Will I be able to afford some kid to come do it for me? What if they don't do a good job? What if he hurts himself while trying to cut it and he sues me?

So, I finally decided that, while I could leave the shrubs and small trees, perhaps I should just lay down a thick carpet of pine straw and be done with it. And so, I headed to my local Mega-Home Upkeep Mart and bought 12 bales of pinestraw.

It didn't even cover a 1/3 of it. And have you ever tried to walk on pinestraw? It's very slippery, especially on a 15 degree slope. There's apparently some trick to laying down pinestraw on a hill and as far as I can tell, it's basically that you put the bale on your left, grab some in your hand and throw it on your right. Forget trying to do it uphill/downhill. As I found out, you'll only sliiiide down the hill every time.

So now I'm considering having someone drop me off another 30 bales and finishing the job. They wanted about $5.50 per bale (spread) for someone else to do it and I can buy just the bales for $3.49 at the Mega-Home Upkeep Mart, so that's a good bit o' savings. My only question now is how I'll refresh it every year. I won't be able to climb all over the hill to lay a new layer like I did this time. I might just have to stand at the top and toss it down. I'm sure the coverage would be excellent (NOT!).

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Moving Day!

It has been really hot here in Atlanta the last few days. Friday was 94, as was yesterday, and today is supposed to hit near 96 degrees. That said, doing anything outside requires planning, and even then assumes a bit of risk.

I took Friday off and scheduled an early-morning round of golf. I was partnered with a lovely retired couple who lived just down the street from me; which was kind of neat because the course we played was nearly 30 miles from our house. Small world.

After golf, I came home and worked outside in the heat for a couple of hours and despite drinking lots of fluids AND keeping my head wet, I still managed to get too hot and spent the next few hours feeling as if my head was stuffed with cotton and my body moving through cold molasses.

Having recovered, I kept the boys Saturday from 9-2 while my wife and her sisters and mom threw a baby shower for her sister who flew in from Oklahoma, and who just barely made it after her flight got canceled requiring her to drive to Dallas in order to catch the next flight that would get her here in time for the shower.

And THEN there was Saturday afternoon. My wife's brother and his wife just bought a house and of course we all pitched in to help move, except as it always happens, at least half of those who said, "Oh absolutely, I'll be there," either don't show at all, or show up after half the hard work was done. All told, there was probably 20 of us, but in truth there were only about 3 strong bodies. The "dads" were just too out of shape, or had torn ligaments or some such excuse...the women...well, can't expect them to carry heavy stuff, so it came down to really three of us, and one didn't show up until the "unload" leaving two of us carrying all the heavy stuff. Did I mention it was 94 outside?

The apartment was on the third level (or course), and also of course, the master BR and laundry room in the new house was upstairs as well and whoever designed this house, didn't do it with "moving" in mind. Needless to say, by 8 p.m. when we finished, I was whooped.
And not that you expect it, but the only person to actually thank me for helping, was the wife. Not MY wife ("Thanks honey for helping my brother move"), not the wife's parent's, ("Thank you for saving our kids a ton of money on movers,") not anyone but the wife.


I guess I've been part of the family for so long now that it's just "assumed" you'll help. But you know, it's sad when you stop saying please and thank you...even when it's your family.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Oh "ME" Oh my!

I have a friend--let's call her "Tammy Faye--who, after recently complaining of needing a vacation, and my telling her to take one and leave the kids at daycare, asked, "What would I do without the kids?"

crickets.......

What would ya do, you ask? Why any or all of the following:
- clean your house (when I said this, she just laughed...)
- take a nap (because she has sleep problems and doesn't get enough normally)
- vege on the couch
- anything NOT related to chasing after children

In the end, she decided NOT to take my advice, which baffles me because I take this opportunity as often as possible. In fact, I generally try to hold onto at least 3 days of "me" vacation each year. What happens on "me" vacation days? Oh, all kinds of things, like:
- have a long workout, as opposed to a fast one
- go play some golf, or at the very least, hit some balls at the driving range
- clean the house and/or catch up on some home maintenance stuff I've neglected

...the choices are endless. I just don't get these parents who have children and lose their own identity. Just because I have kids doesn't mean I forgot to have fun. I think a lot of parents feel that having children means they have to give up every part of thier life that doesn't included the children, when in fact, I believe the opposite is true. You must keep that part of your life that makes you happy; because if you're not happy, you won't be a good parent.

That said, I'm getting up tomorrow...I'll help my wife get the kids off to daycare...then I'm playing golf here. And I feel like it after playing golf and drinking a few beers in the 92 degree Georgia sun, I'll go to the gym.

I'm gonna have fun--sans kids--and I'm not gonna feel guilty about it.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

SignificantOther v6.8

My wife forwarded me an e-mail joke (aka "spam") yesterday and prefaced it with "Not that I'm saying this about you, but it is cute."
The joke can be found here (I would recommend reading it so my blog entry here makes sense).

In rebuttal, I offer the following (and I preface it with the same sentiments):


Dear Customer Support,

I recently upgraded from SignificantOther6.8 to Spouse1.0 with the “Wife and Mother” add-on and I’m having nothing but problems.

To start with, none of the premium features that I purchased for SignificantOther 6.8 migrated over. I spent a lot of money on add-ons such as “Menu Planner,” “Money Matters” and “Movie Guide 1.5” and now when I try to access them, I get an error message.

After only six months of use, the interface has completely changed too. What used to be a fairly clean and resource-lean GUI (graphical user interface) is now a cluttered mess that requires frequent manual cleanup. My recycle bin fills up faster than I can clean it out!

I tried to import my preferences but the import program somehow screwed up, corrupted the database and now anytime I want to do something, it asks me, “Are you sure you wish to make this change?” And of course the “Do not ask me this again” checkbox doesn’t work.

The Time Manager feature is equally flawed. The only tasks it allows me to input are those that fall under the “Work” and “Family” category. When I try to access the “Free Time” and “Leisure” headings, they either appear blank or refuse to allow me to block off more than 15 minutes at a time.

And I swear, if this damn thing asks me one more time to install “Personal Makeover 5.2” I’m gonna uninstall it and throw away the disk.

I’m really about done with this application. Were it not for the SignficantOther 6.8 application nagging me for the last 8 months about upgrading, I would have stuck with the tried and true.

Please respond with patches, or else an offer of a refund.

_XX


Dear valued Spouse 1.0 customer,

We apologize for the inconvenience your new software has caused you, but it is our policy not to refund the purchase price of the software unless the application is defective in some way. From what you’ve described, your application is operating as designed. It’s true that many of your premium features from Significant Other 6.8 will not work with Spouse 1.0, but that is because the code is completely different.

Due to some core Operating System requirements, Spouse 1.0 required extensive overhauling in order to operate in today’s newer computing platforms. Whereas all versions of the SignificantOther software were built on the less stable but faster “Gen X” platform, “Gen Y” is now the industry standard and we were forced to modify the codebase in order to remain competitive.

However, we can offer some workarounds. If you go to our Web site at:
YourNewLife.com and access the “Support” page, you can download the following patch: - LearnToLiveWithIt 1.2

This patch includes several “updates” that should help you navigate your new software with a minimum of fuss.

As a valued customer, we want to ensure your satisfaction, so we are also offering you the “Family Pack” at no additional charge. It includes the following:

  • an upgraded personal dictionary with “family approved” vocabulary words

  • an easy to follow home maintenance guide

  • investment guide, including "living will templates” pre-formatted with everything you need to take care of your family when you’re gone

  • region-specific maps pinpointing the closest soccer fields, shopping malls and mini-van dealers

  • porn blocker software

If after installing these updates, you still feel that the software is not living up to your expectations, please contact one of our helpful representatives who will work with you to ensure your satisfaction.

Thank you,

Customer Support


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Why We Have Children

In the last three years, I've often pondered how we as a species, continue to populate the planet. Parenting is not easy and statistics show that affluent families are having fewer children, or waiting to have them much later than their parents did, while lower income families (often single parent ones) are having the same numbers or more children as in the past, and at a relatively early age.

When you consider the cost of raising children, one wonders how we do it. Those who can conceivably afford to get help, have elected to forego children. As I often do, I again come back to blame the dual income family. This lack of children among the affluent almost always coincides with a dual income household. The really interesting thing is that I can watch this little mystery unfold in my very home.

My wife comes from a very large family of 7 children. Dad always worked and mom was always there for the kids. My wife always felt that she wanted lots of children; in fact we used to have mini-arguments about how many we would have. I wanted 2, she 4. Nearly eight years into our marriage and two boys later, my wife recently turned to me and declared, "If I say I want more children, shoot me."

My my...curiouser and curiouser.

The question is then, "What changed?" Had my wife never become successful in her career, would she be happy as a stay at home mom? As it is, weekends wear us out watching just two kids, much less staying home and watching them for a whole week. I find it interesting that this whole "nurture" thing we've grown up expecting women to feel towards their children is all but a thing of the past.

The point being, that raising children is not easy. We thought we dodged the "terrible twos" bullet with our older son, only to have it rear it's ugly head in his "threes." And now of course having a newborn in the house, old questions as to "why" and "how" this whole children thing continues its popularity plagues my soul as I'm sitting in the Dutallier rocking my grunting son at 2:30 in the morning.

There's an old saying of mine: "You can do a million things right and never get any credit, but you do one thing wrong and people never forget you for it."

With children, I think the opposite is true: "Your children can act like the spawn of satan for a solid week, but when they get up in the morning, come over to you and give you a genuine hug--you know, one of those that they don't immediately pull away from--you realize that it was all worth it.

Don't get me wrong, I still only want two children, but it is in times like this that I realize how and why our species will survive. We thrive on love and acceptance, and children offer these without asking anything in return except our own love.
I get it now. It took two kids and months and months of sleepless hell, but I get it now.

Monday, June 18, 2007

A Father's Day Miracle!

To the tune of "Oh Tannenbaume"...

"Oh Father's Day, Oh Father's Day
Damn I'm tired and wanna sleep!"

Why is it, that for Mother's Day, all you hear about is "Give Mom a break this Mother's Day" and all you hear about for Father's Day is, "Get Dad a new grill for Father's Day," or "Get Dad what he really wants this Father's Day...a new lawnmower."

Why does mom get a "break" and dad gets more work to do? Folks, "time's aren't a-changin" they've already changed. Every father I know under the age of 40 is actively involved in their family. We don't come home from work and lounge around on the sofa demanding that our home-bound honey's cook us dinner. More times than not, we're cooking dinner.

Look, I'm not complaining. For Father's Day this year, I got a beautiful shirt and a gift-certificate to "Bass Pro Shops (BPS)." The catch being of course, that about the only time I'll have to use what I purchase from BPS is during our family "Vacation" when there are 39 of us all enjoying ourselves together on the beach. Yes, not a misprint (39 of us. 30+ in one house and the rest spilling over into a condo).

Oh, that sounds relaxing!

But what I really want is the public to finally admit that dads aren't jerk-off layabouts who only want to park it in front of the big-screen and ignore their family (OK, maybe sometimes I DO want to do that, but the difference is, I make a choice not to).

But back to the title, "A Father's Day Miracle"...the miracle being that when we got up on Saturday, rather than spending the weekend at home, we made a rash decision to drive 3.5 hours to Tennessee to see my mom. I know...crazy as it sounds...we actually made an unplanned trip!! A first since having chillen!

It turned out well and we had a good time, but that 3.5 hour car trip made the 8 hour car trip we have coming up in three weeks seems like an ice-cream sundae. Can someone just kill me now?

Friday, June 15, 2007

Type "A" Personalities Unite!

I haven't blogged in a few days largely because nothing of note has happened since my mullings concerning the beloved toothbrush (and some might argue that was not worth blogging about anyway); however, today I found a wonderful article about a new study out of the UC Santa Barbara that appears to prove what most of us "Type A" personalities have known for a long time, that our anger makes us better.

The
study presents a possible link between a person's anger and their improved ability to reason. It shows that as people get angry, their ability to reason and make better decisions appears to improve. In addition to this casting new aspersions on the whole "temporary insanity due to catching my spouse cheating on me" argument, it also makes people take a whole 'nuther look at "hotheads."

I will be the first to admit that in the past, I have reacted poorly to certain situations, especially in the work environment. My reactions in many cases, while probably not "professional" per-se, were at least warranted and well reasoned (at least I thought so anyway). Others reacted just as poorly to my reaction and thus I was labeled a hothead and I feel innapropriately passed over for possible promotions.

To those people, I would simply like to say, "How do you like me now?"

How does it feel to have overlooked someone who probably had the capacity to sort out problems better than "little Miss Mouse" whom you awarded the job to? How does it feel to think that instead of having a well-reasoned bulldog, you instead got a butt-kissing "yes man" who only did what he or she was told rather than actually considering what was best for the company?

Oh sweet revenge...

Now, obviously this study has its flaws, most notably being the inability to measure a person's level of anger against their ability to reason. At what point does a person go from suitably irritated yet still intelligible, to seeing red and reacting blindly? Having experience both levels of rage, I can unequivocally state that there IS a huge difference, and it is each person's ability to see through the anger that keeps them out of jail and walking the streets a free man (or woman).

For now though, I'm going to revel in my anger. I'm going to yell at people from the safe confines of my truck as I traverse Atlanta traffic. I'm going to mentally squish the lady at the checkout who waits until all her groceries are bagged before she starts writing her check, and I'm darn sure going to demand (in my mind) that my boss give me a raise because we both know that I deserve it.

Of course, all this will probably cause me to have an aneurysm on the way to my beach vacation and I'll die long before my time. But that's ok because at least I'll know that during my short time on earth, I was right all along!



Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying with my hand in your mouth...

Consider the toothbrush.

Have you noticed how it has evolved in the last decade? It wasn't too long ago that you had three choices, outside of the color, in your toothbrush selection: soft, medium and hard (bristles). Then, the most difficult decision was whether or not buying a purple toothbrush would be seen as a "gay" thing to do if you were a guy.

But today...well, today there are literally dozens of choices in toothbrushes. There's ones with little rubber nubbies to clean your gums, there are some with the bristles in neat little circular patterns, presumably to appear more like an electric toothbrush. You have sonic toothbrushes that clean your mouth with sound and vibration--oooohhhh! Oh and let's not forget that toothbrush innovation hasn't stopped with the bristles. Nowadays, on the back side of the toothbrush you'll find all kind of interesting little things that are designed to scour the inside of your cheeks as you brush.

Now, my personal favorite is the old Crest Reach toothbrush with a full-sized head made of medium bristles. You can't find it today, but you can find similar models that contain its core details while eschewing newfangled additions such as swirlies.

I get that even toothbrushes must evolve, if only to support increasing the marketing budgets of the manufacturers. I mean, we simply can't expect today's youth to brush their teeth if we don't provide them with "cool" tools. So I don't really mind if the messaging around the new toothbrushes is a bit of a stretch. Do half as many swirly bristles really work as well as twice as many horizontal rows of bristles? I think not.

Therefore, I don't mind being lied to by Johnson & Johnson, or whomever, but what I don't get is why my dentist would lie to me...(it's a logical jump folks...stick with me here....)

I recently had my teeth cleaned and as usual, "Your teeth are beautiful, blah blah blah." In fact, they didn't even take X-rays this time. So, imagine my surprise when a couple of days later as I'm shining a flashlight down my throat to count the number of puss-pockets on my tonsils from my sinus infection, that I find what appears to be the beginning of a very small cavity right smack on top of my back molar. Now, I'm no dentist but I think I can recognize a well-rounded hole in my tooth as a cavity. And I can't for the life of me imagine that both my hygienist and the old feller (the dentist) would miss it when they poked their head in my head to look around.

The only thing I can think of is that it's too small to do anything about right now, so they didn't make a big deal of it. But isn't that kinda like not telling someone they have an enlarged prostate? "Thanks for considering my mental health doc, but I'd really like to know if I'm prime for a colonoscopy."

Perhaps I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but since I haven't had a cavity since I was 8, and the whole thing has become a bit of a source of pride for me, I'm only slightly less than devastated. Of course, in the grand scheme of things it's a very minor thing for sure.

I guess between now and my next cleaning I'll try out some of those newfangled toothbrush gizmos and see if they help me dig down into my molar crevasses (what a great pluralization!).


Sunday, June 10, 2007

Artistically speaking, where would we be without drugs?

As a family, you tend to gather pictures like old habits. One minute your walls are bare, the next you're taking down one picture in order to move it to a new location so that you can arrange a multitude of pictures on the wall. With two boys now in our house, I'm forced to look at a series of pictures taken over the last few years and I gotta tell ya folks, it ain't pretty.

At some point, I went from a trim runners body, to a stocky weighlifter's body, complete with a small belly that threatens to grow wider than my shoulders. Oh, I could make excuses, such as less leisure time to hike and exercise. I could blame my back surgeries which have all but made running (the one thing that really burned off the fat) a thing of the past. I could make several excuses, but if I'm being honest, there are other, equally valid reasons for why I put on weight that have nothing to do with my lifestyle.

Plain and simple, I eat more junk than I used to. When I was single, and before there were kids, you wouldn't find leftover pizza or cookies laying around. Dinner was cereal or stir fry, not hamburgers or some gourmet chicken with a fabulous wine sauce.

This isn't really the direction I meant to take with this entry, but these things tend to have a mind of their own. What I meant to get to, was how things change as you age--and not just physically--but mentally too.

For instance, someone commented on my last post where I admitted I'd never smoked pot. I didn't say it because it's something I am all proud of and want to force on the rest of the world. As someone who has enjoyed the benefits of hydrocodone for nigh on three years as a way to enable me to sit in an office chair, pick up my kids without hitting the ground in pain, and walking without a limp, I'll be the first to admit that drugs have their places. And drugs is one of those areas where I imagine I'm not the only one to have a change of heart.

As much as I like to make fun of them, public service announcements do have an affect. I didn't do drugs, not because they weren't available, but because I morally felt they were wrong. Now, as an adult, I've known some very intelligent people who regularly smoke pot and get by in life just fine. Do I agree that they should come to work baked, or use it prior to a long roadtrip as a way of staying alert? No, I can't condone that, but I also don't see a problem with a person using pot recreationally. I realize this opens a whole can of worms regarding public safety and work productivity etc., which is probably why, more than any other reason, pot isn't legal in this country. If you legalized it, then you'd have to have a slew of follow up laws regulating where, when and how it could be used.

Legal nightmare, I get it.

But times change, we change--our bodies, our minds, our morals. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I wonder if I should continue to cling to that image of myself in my youth in some vain hopes that I'll be able to some day get back to it when life isn't so demanding of my time. Other times I think that maybe this person in last month's picture IS me. It's the new me, or...the old me depending on how you want to look at it. There is no going back, there's only going forward. That's depressing, but I don't suppose it isn't anything billions of people ahead of me haven't gone through.

I don't know. I'm not yet ready to give up my youth, despite what my hair and my bones are telling me. But some things can and do change, like your opinion on things. Whether or not those changes are for the better, or simply "changes"...well, only time will tell.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Billions of government PSA $$...down the drain.

"Just say no."
"This is your brain on drugs"
"The more you know"
"Give a hoot, don't pollute"

Those good ol' Public Service Announcements. Billions and Billions spent trying to persuade the public towards a viewpoint that someone in the government decided is the right one. And here we are, decades of PSAs later and as a 34 year old adult, I'm still falling prey to peer pressure!

Oh, I'm not taking drugs or setting forest fires or anything like that, but my wife and I have bowed to parental peer pressure and it's just as insidious as anything you might find peddled on the streetcorners of today's inner-cities.

At my children's daycare, in addition to the activities that they provide in-house, they apparently also allow outside vendors to come in. One such vendor is a company called "
Playball."

For a paltry $80, your child can enjoy 8 weeks of 30 minutes playtime sessions (1 per week) with their friends. Do you see the genius here? If you don't "let" your children take advantage of this wonderful program, then they must endure 30 minutes of exile while their friends have fun. Who wants to be that kid? What parent wants their child to endure such horror?

But let's do the math. If even 8 kids per class of 14 does it, and they can do 4 classes each day, that's a cool $360 a day for 2 hours of work. Not a bad racket.
And really, how much does each child get to do in an "instructed" play class in 30 minutes when there are several other children also involved? So really, for each parent that pays for their child to take the class, they aren't paying so that their child can actually improve their ball skills; what they are really paying for is "inclusion."

Peer pressure. Criminey! I never smoked pot and I never set a forest fire, but by golly, my children have caused my fall! But it doesn't have to be so with you.

Remember, "You could learn a lot from a dummy!"

Thursday, June 07, 2007

What do you think you are...some kinda HERO?

Seems like every few months we hear about some person who undergoes extreme adversity or trauma and escapes to tell the tale. The media call these people Heroes. Some are, some aren't.

Today's "hero" is a 66 year old man who, after improperly felling a tree, got pinned under it. After waiting 11 long hours for a rescue (he apparently lived in the woods), he cuts his own leg off with a pocketknife to free himself. All the stories I've read say that after freeing himself, his cries for help were heard by a "passing" neighbor who hiked out and called for help.

I pray that I'm not the only person in the world who doesn't think this guy's a hero. In fact, I would argue that he's an idiot. Bear with me here.

None of the articles indicated that after freeing himself from his woodsy imprisonment, he crawled/hopped to his neighbor's house. It simply says that his cries alerted a "passing" neighbor. Passing, as in, "I was passing near your house, where you lay after knifing off your leg."

So, the question is, how much longer would he have had to wait before his neighbor found him? And if "not long" then how stupid does said 66 year old man feel now?

The whole thing reminds me of the SouthPark episode where the town's folks are snowed in and within the first couple of hours, decide they'll have to start eating each other in order to survive.

I'm just tired of the media claiming people like this, and rehabbed coke addicts as "heroes," when the real heroes are the men and women out keeping the peace in the world and making life safer for the rest of us.
THOSE people are heroes.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

"Let's talk about God baby...Let's talk about you and me..."

In keeping with the title of my blog (Postulates & Pasttimes), today's entry is more along the line of Postulates--the religious kind to be more precise. Come, walk with me and let us talk about this religious stuff...

I was raised in a Pentecostal-based church. We moved around from Church of God organizations to Assembly of God organizations because basically they believe the same thing. In fact, I'm not sure what the difference is, once you stop concerning yourself with how they govern themselves. Although, the Assemblies of God do have a better Web site, so one point for AoG.

Among other things that Pentecostals believe, is the fact that as babies, we are born sinners and unless one repents of his or her sins, he or she cannot go to heaven. Now, there is a grace period that all babies and children get; meaning that if a child were to die before a certain age of awareness, then they automatically go to heaven. This core belief is fundamental and pretty much set in stone. You can go from one church to another and hear the same thing.

Another belief that is set in stone is the idea that Jesus will one day suddenly come back to earth, surprising everyone. He'll then collect his people ("..in the blink of an eye..."), persecute the rest for a very long time, then basically bring heaven back down to earth where folks will live in peace for a while. Oh, also during this time, the Devil will be loosed back on earth in a last-ditch effort at turning folks and then he'll be banned for all time. Even as a child, I found flaws in this belief. My biggest "oh right" is the idea that the Devil will be given a chance to convert people who are living in "Heaven on Earth." Now, why would anyone who is in "Heaven" possibly follow the devil? Whatever...moving on.
(Note: If you're really interested in this stuff, read Revelations.)

However, one area that there appears to be some gray area around, is what happens after you repent of your "original sin". I've heard it preached that if I ask for forgiveness and I turn around and sin one time, and if after having sinned, and before I ask forgiveness again, the Lord should happen to come or I die in some horrific accident, then I'm doomed to suffer on earth until Judement Day.

Now, though I've never heard it specifically said, I've heard others hint at the idea that simply accepting Jesus as your savior and asking for his forgiveness is enough to get you into heaven as long as you strive to be good from there on out. This idea obviously holds more appeal for most people, which may be why the churches as a rule are integrating this into their theology, albeit unofficially.

So what does all this have to do with my blog entry you ask? Well, I'll tell you...If scenario A (first one above) is true, then if the Lord comes while I'm typing this up, then I'm going to hell.

Yes, according to Pentecostal belief, I have sinned and "...come short of the glory of God."

See, my wife is out of town and I've been watching the boys the last couple of nights. Monday night was fine. Both went to bed normally and the baby only woke up once.

Last night, however, was a different story. My eldest went to bed fine, but my youngest woke up four times during the night. On top of that, I have come down with a nasty little cold--in fact, all three of us have--and when you couple no sleep with being sick, well, let's just say I would have fit right in with a compliment of sailors last night...and no, I haven't asked for forgiveness yet.

Sleep well...


Sunday, June 03, 2007

The Rhythm is Gonna Get Ya...

Let me warn my readers that this blog possibly contains TMI (too much information)

Do you remember that scene in the move, "The Family Man," where Nicolas Cage's character, Jack Campbell is laying in bed watching TV and Tea Leoni, as Kate, comes running into the room ripping off her clothes and the conversation runs like this:

Kate: The kids are asleep.
Jack:
The kids, hon. Honey.

Kate:
Sweetheart, I said the kids are asleep.
Jack: That's just great. Those little monkeys can be a real handful.
(Kate grabs the TV remote and turns off the TV)

Jack:
Hey, I was watching that.
Kate: Not tonight.

Jack: Please leavemy socks alone. Wait. You want me...?
Kate: That is the general idea, yeah.

Jack: Oh, well, maybe we should grab a bottle of wine first. Kind of break the ice.

STOP!

That, my friends, is the sex life of a married couple with kids, in a nutshell. Let me explain.

When you're dating, you have that whole, unsure of yourself and each other thing going, and it can be kinda hot. You find out what the other likes, what they don't like. Then as you date and/or move into early marriage, you sorta find this rhythm and it works for you as long as you are able to mix it up a bit. Personally, I found that the job I held when I first got married, which required a good bit of out-of-town travel, worked out really well. I wasn't gone long or too often, but just enough...

Anyway, that all changes once you have kids. First off, there's the "cooling off" period, post-baby where mom is recovering and where normal people are smart enough not to tempt fate by trying to have "relations." Then, if mom is breastfeeding, or even pumping, that introduces a whole 'nuther chapter of unsavory conduct into the mix. I mean, who finds that sexy? I'm sure the last thing most women want to do after pumping is jump into bed.

But we're just talking about personal issues here, now let's bring the kids into the mix. One kid doesn't make a whole lotta difference because they take lots of naps and there's personal time to be had; but then, have two children and you might as well just call the game off due to a rain delay and catch the first bus home because there ain't no playin' gonna be happenin now. Nossir!

But then, let's say you DO find some quiet time. It's a fluke-a rare occasion-and not one to look a gift-horse in the mouth, you try to capitalize on the situation. Trust me, after several months, it's like "the first time" all over again. That rhythm that you had previously is gone, but unfortunately, that "newness" is gone too. So, it's like getting behind the wheel of a car you really like and haven't driven in a while. The clutch is a little sticky and maybe it doesn't steer as well as you remember it, but doggon, you let the top down and take her out for a spin. It's good, not as good as you remember, but maybe that's because you just haven't driven in a while, or maybe it's because the gas is old and some of the pep is gone...whatever. (my metaphors are starting to get to me...)

Anyway, now I finally get what all those TV shows and movies are trying to depict when they show the frenzied married couple trying to have quiet sex in-between kids naps, or after the kids are asleep and before one of the parents pass out from exhaustion.

This, my friends, is what men fear most. That loss of excitement and spontaneity. Perhaps women fear it too, I dunno. I obviously can't speak for them.



Friday, June 01, 2007

"And we drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink...and then we puke and puke..."

Last night's menu:

- Grilled chicken breasts "hand rubbed" with olive oil, Old Bay seasoning and garlic powder
- Grilled asparagus marinated in a lime juice, olive oil and sea salt marinade
- Mashed potatoes topped with a generous spoonful of butter
- Big Fat Yeast Roll
- Beverage of Choice (mine was a vodka and iced-tea mix)

As I was plating the food, my eldest announced he needed to poop. Now, my son suffers from "holditin-itus" and thus, anytime he needs to poop, you can pretty much bet he needs to poop. This led to a 30-minute exercise in family-dining-futility as I held the baby and dropped copious amounts of food on my lap and the floor (family dog was in heaven), while my wife sat on the stool in front of my enthroned son and read books. By the time she got to the meal, it was cold and lifeless.

Which is a shame too because it was really delicious, especially with the hot sauce/bar-b-que sauce mixture I made to go along with it.

This is about the 4th straight day of poopage for my eldest, which is somewhat of a record. This morning though, he complained of cramping, so perhaps its time to dial down the laxative (
Miralax) again. Only, last time we did that, five days later it was "out with the suppository" AGAIN!

But what really startled me is how thin my son is now. I mean, he looks like a growing boy who gets a lot of exercise (which he does/is) rather than a slightly chubby 3-year old who does nothing but sits on the couch (which he doesn't/isn't). I can actually see his little ribs and tummy muscles, which I haven't been able to see in a long while. Makes me wonder how long some of that stuff has been in there...yuck.

For the record, we do have a Dr.'s appt. scheduled with a GI doc since our Pediatricians seem to think his only problem is that we don't force feed him enough bran muffins and water. Like they've ever had kids...