It's like a HEAT WAVE...oh yeah!

Have I mentioned lately that I'm ready for autumn weather? Well I am. Here's why:

It's the middle of August, which according to "averages" should be a wee-bit cooler than July here in Atlanta. Not so though! We are well above average AND in the middle of a drought. I enjoy summer, that is, until it turns perpetually 90 degrees-plus for weeks on end and then I'm just over it and ready to move on. But I love early summer when the plants I planted the year before burst out of the ground and we finally get some color. I love the first few trips to the pool, or the first (and usually only) trip to the beach. All very well and good, but all also very temporary.

About halfway through summer my mood always turns pessimistic. It's not like I'm not getting enough Vitamin E, because I certainly am. So I started thinking about this mid-summer crisis and I came up with a few possible reasons for why I feel like I do:

• It's too hot to get out and DO anything. This means that I'm inevitably stuck inside the house, or other similarly A/C'd place and I can't work off my energy.


• Same for the kids. Even though they are at daycare all day, if they don't get outside and exercise, they are little hurricanes when they come home at night. And this only leads to more "No, stop that!" and "Would you please stop talking for 5 minutes?" Generally things that make you feel like a bad parent later when you stop and think about it.


• Summer makes you do things you wouldn't normally have to do, which takes time away from things you want to do. For instance, watering outdoor plants. When I have to do it, it takes me almost an hour and a half to do it. An hour and a half when you have children, is like an eternity of free time just down the tubes. And sure, watering is easy and it's quiet, but you still sweat just standing there, so it's not fun.


• I also enjoy a nice walk after dinner to work off my compulsive eating disorder (it's all in my head) and you can't do that when it's so hot.


• It's too hot to play golf or even hit balls...my one hobby


• I'm tired of my summer wardrobe

And I think the weatherpeople around here are co-conspirators in that they keep tweaking the long range forecast. See, they start off by showing that it's gonna be really hot for three days, then they show a cooling trend. But then if you look at it the next day, it shows the same thing, just advanced one day. And the same happens the next day and the next day. It's like they know that people are looking to their long range forecast for just a little ray of hope--something to look forward to--and they don't want to ruin it by bald-faced admitting, "Yeah it's gonna be 98 degrees for the forseeable future. Sorry."

Anyway, I'm taking off this Friday despite it still being 94 degrees, but that just forces me to stay home and start pulling off that wallpaper rather than going and playing golf :( But you watch, one of the children will probably end up getting sick and instead of having a productive day off, it'll be Daddy Daycare with yours truly as the teacher, teacher's assistant, cleaning crew and chef.

Really...I don't ask for much...just some cool nights outside on my back porch listening to Audio Visions with a nice glass of Cabernet Sauvignon in my hand. Is that too much to ask? Is that so wrong?

For Vacation...Can we just stay home and sleep?

July 4th on a Wednesday. There should be a law that says, "If a holiday involving two of our country's favorite pasttimes, drinking and fireworks, falls on a day that does not allow our citizens to sleep in after the next day, this it should be moved to accomodate such a time."

Since no story-like words will adequately represent this blog like the bare hard facts will, I present them to you bare bones:

A.M.
6:00 Oldest son up at butt-crack of dawn. Get him settled on the couch with juice and cartoons. Drink coffee, fetch things for eldest son...try to enjoy some quiet time on the porch while it's still cool out.
7:45 I go to gym while wife stays home. Youngest son still sleeping.
8:45 Get home, pretty much same situation except youngest son just woke up (treat!)
9:15 Head out to meet local family at park for a morning of wild youngin's and bagels. For them, this is breakfast. For us, it is a mid-morning snack.
11:30 Whew! It got hot. Coming home.

PM
12:00 Wife takes computer desk (spare) over to youngest brother's house as they just moved in and computer is on the floor due to now spare furniture.
12:30 I coax youngest son into a nap; playing trains with eldest.
2:30 Wife comes home after dropping off desk and grocery shopping for the "week from hell" (AKA: vacation at the beach with in-laws). Continued train playing. I also complain of not feeling well and being tired.
3:00 In an effort at sloughing off tiredness, go outside and chop wood for the oh-so-frigid Atlanta winters to come when the sun enters a significant cooling period (eat it global warmers!)
5:45 Start "surf n turf" dinner on grill (kabobs with skrimps and lobster tail) (p.s. it was not my best effort, but hard to grill beef and seafood on same grill and keep it all hot for serving)

AH, the real fun begins!

7:30 Youngest son ready for bed. Wife puts him down whilst I bathe eldest.
8:15 Eldest son watches some "Thomas the Tank Engine" (a nightly ritual...that or "The Wiggles")
8:45 Wife and eldest son leave to go watch fireworks. I stay home with young one.
9:45 Both return elated. Eldest son goes to bed.
10:40 After listening to neighbor intermittently shoot off fireworks, finally go out shirtless, "Bill! How many more do you have?" Bill's reply: "We're done." I mutter, "Goddang right you're done a**hole."
11:30 I just fell asleep when youngest son wakes up. Wife tends to him.
3:15 Youngest son wakes up again, I get up. Find he's totally soaked head to toe in urine. Diaper is soaked, so is bed and clothes. Stick bottle in his mouth to keep him quiet while change him, then try and change bed sheets. Stupid crib bumpers tied in knots (all 18 of them, and it was NOT my doing). After successfully untying a few in the dark (because heaven forbid you turn the lights on and wake the baby up for sure!) I finally get out the scissors and cut the Goddang things. Know wife will be furious, but since this is the second child's crib bumpers I'll have done these to, don't claim ignorance of my frustration.

Let me explain here for a second for those who think my actions a little "over the top." When you put these crib bumbers in, you in effect, trap the mattress in the crib and the only way to get the mattress out, is by removing the bumpers. Now, you can remove the mattress without removing the bumpers, but believe me A) not in the dark and B) not without significant effort and swearing. I know they are supposed to keep little one's feet and hands from getting trapped in the slats, but they also offer a suffocation hazard (so hah!).
I also have significant doubts as to whether or not a 4-month old could have that much pee from the 11:30 feeding. Suspect she just didn't want to bother changing him. (Oh and...not the first time this has happened).

4:00 Lying in bed trying to go back to sleep and wife gets up to pump. WTF?!! You mean, I got up, tended to the baby, got all pissed off so that I can't sleep, only to have her get up a couple of minutes later anyway to go pump? Now I'm really jazzed. The only thing that can possibly calm me down now, is watching Fox Mulder and Dana Scully investigate some psychic bad guys on late-night TV.
4:30 Bow to pressure and turn off TV. Don't immediately fall alseep. When do, dream weird stuff about the curly haired kid from "That 70s Show" giving me a car. Very odd.
6:00 I hear "thump thump" and realize it's past time to get up. Find oldest son wide awake despite having gone to bed later.

My day starts. And you wonder why I don't look forward to weekends anymore.

Mr. Clean

Quite out of the blue, my wife recently said to me, "You should start doing a "guy vacation" to go play golf or something every year. A lot of guys at work do it and they have a lot of fun."

While interesting, I'm not quite sure how to take this. I have several thoughts on it though:

1. My wife, realizing that I've been quite on edge since the baby was born, is truly concerned about my snapping at an inoportune moment (such as at the beach in two weeks when one of the other in-laws says something annoying to me) and desires that I get away and do something selfish for a while
2. My wife really wants to go have a "girls vacation" and is using this as justification at a later date

So let's think about these two things. Option 1, is very plausible. My wife has become astute at reading my moods over our near 8-year marriage; probably because when it gets to be "my time of the month" I just clam up, stop talking and start cleaning. Been doing that a lot lately. But as any concientious father will tell you, this whole "go do your thing" idea is fraught with guilty perils. Were I to go on said trip, I would constantly worry about how my wife is getting along with the boys. And then when I returned, I would constantly be trying to "pay her back" by allowing her to go do all sorts of things on her own. Which I wouldn't mind doing, except that I neglect things around the house enough as it is. If I'm suddenly watching the kids all the time...the house, and yard will go downhill fast.

Then there's Option 2...the idea that she really wants to go do her own thing. There are couples I know who do everything together, and there are couples I know who do nothing together. I feel bad for both. Too much of a good thing...well, isn't a good thing. On the flip-side, if you don't spend some time together away from the rigors of daily life, what kind of relationship are you building...and believe you me, marriage is never a done deal...you must always be working at it.

At 34, I'd like to think that I'm above naked jealousy, but the fact is that I'm not. When guys go out, they go out with a purpose: I'm going to play golf, or I'm going to have a beer, whatever. But you ask a group of women what they are going to do, "We don't know. We just want to get out and have fun." When a guy hears this, he hears, "We don't know...all we know is that we're bored with staying home with our man and we want to go out and do something different."

Trust me when I say that "doing something different" conjures up all sorts of wild and crazy ideas in a husband/boyfriend's mind...and not in a good "wild and crazy" way that involves kinky going's on when she comes home.

So, I'm not sure I'm kosher with this "guy vacation" idea, as much as I long to get away. Not to mention, it's financially unfeasible. I mean, we barely have the money to get away as a couple, so I'm not sure how I'd justify dropping $500-$600 on a guy vacation.

Even at 34, we still play games. Good? Bad? Who knows...alls I know is that I had better find a good, cheap replacement housekeeper before I rub a hole in the carpet trying to get out out my frustrations at nobody and nothing in particular!