You just saw what?

Here in the Atlanta area, we have no shortage of wrecks and traffic. In fact, our traffic woes begat wrecks and vice versa. No matter how many lanes of highway we build on either side of the middle median, whenever a wreck occurs on one side, it not only boogers up traffic on its side but also on the opposite side. This phenomenon is due to something we call "rubberneckers." In fact, one fella went so far as creating an entire Web site devoted to the Atlanta rubbernecker phenom. It's truly amazing.

In addition to traffic accidents causing rubbernecking, I've noticed that as I'm driving down the road (not the interstate mind you), that if there happens to be an attractive lady walking/jogging along the side, that traffic in the lane nearest the lady (or sometimes young teenage girl) suddenly slows. It's like watching a traffic light domino effect. Astute drivers learn to look ahead of where they are and anticipate this slow down, while cell-phone talkers and nose pickers are caught unaware and end up slamming on their brakes.

However, today I saw a first in my rubbernecking experience, and while part of me says, "it's about time," the other part of me says, "Oh dear Lord, help us all!"

So, I'm driving down the road on my way home and as I near my house, I notice a couple of shirtless young men jogging on the side of the road, and would you believe that at least six cars ahead of me hit their brakes to take a looky? And mind you, these "men" were probably around 16 years old...so not really hunky men either...just guys. Now, this is pretty par for the course as far as men oggling women goes--it doesn't really matter what she looks like, guys will take a look just to look, and apparently, women are no different.

And I know what you're thinking, and yes, I can confirm that at least two of the cars that hit their brakes, were occupied by women. Of course, you'd just about have to be a hermit to not notice that women have been coming into their own in the last decade and I suppose that along with our jobs, women would also start assuming our behavior as well, but I just don't know if it's such a good thing. For one, psychologists and "sex therapists" may have to adjust their belief that men are visually driven and women are emotionally driven. From what I've seen lately, a good many women I know find a hot guy just as satisfying as we gents find a good looking women. That's certainly true at the gym and I'm betting it's becoming fairly common across the board.

But hey, "tit for tat" ladies. Why not enjoy the body that we men slave over? Married or single, guys can't honestly say that we suffer through exhausting workouts and day after day of sore muscles just so we look good to ourselves in the mirror. 'Bout time someone noticed and appreciated all the hard work.

So ladies, take a piece of advice from me and take this newfound freedom you have and use it to your advantage. Tell those guys they look good. Ask them out on a date and hell, offer to pay...why not? Most of you make as much money as we do now anyway. You probably got $5 off at the Quick-E lube on "Ladies Tuesday" anyway, so throw caution to the wind and splurge a little. Trust me, when it comes to an aggressive woman, guys really won't mind, as long as it's directed towards mutually satifying activities.

Those oh-so generic Toyota Camrys

The Toyota Camry. You see them every day. They've been around for years, changing little more than the hood on the front and the trunk and taillights on the back. But despite their never-changing look, people continue to buy them. These people are all alike. They drive the same. They are the bane of my morning commute. Here's what we know about the Toyota Camry:

• It's #3 on "Gaywheels.com" list of automobiles owned by our "alternative lifestyle" society.
• Camry's continue to make the Top 10 Most Stolen Vehicle List
• The Camry was the first non-domestic car to compete in NASCAR in recent years
• It is THE most popular car in America

Now, here's what I suspect about the Toyota Camry based on my own informal research study:

• The most popular color is Gold
• Only women drive them, unless a man's truck is in the shop and he's forced to go somewhere with his lady friend
• Drivers of Camrys really like their bumper stickers, vanity plates, and license plate frames
• They all drive a two-lane stretch of road near me between the minutes of 6:48-6:54 a.m.
• They all drive at least 5 mph less than the speed limit

There is a 4 mile stretch of 2-lane road that I travel on each morning going to work. The speed limit is 35MPH the entire way, and the middle of it includes a very steep valley, which, if you don't build up enough speed, requires you to hit your passing gear to climb out of if you're not going fast enough already. Each morning, despite varying my departure time by a few minutes in either direction, I inevitably get behind a Gold Toyota Camry. I have identified at least three different ones. My method of differentiation determination is as follows:

• They appear at various stretches of the road. Two at the very begnning, on about 1/3 of the way through
• They all have a different tag number (satisified?)

The interesting thing is, that despite their differences, they share some staggering driving similarities, mainly that of driving VERY slowly, and completely ignoring the rather large-grilled pickup truck on their tail urging them onward. And it's not like they see me there and I upset them to the point that they obstinately refuse to speed up...they just don't care. When I do inevitably pass them at the traffic light, they are middle-aged working women staring blankly off into space pondering Lord-knows-what--that hair appt. they need to make; what to put in the Crock Pot tomorrow before leaving for work--I don't know!

I've tried to avoid them, but I think they have hacked into the Sirius satellite orbiting the planet and have triangulated my location through my sattelite radio receiver and act accordingly in order to foil my attempts at a frustration-free drive in the morning.

Or...I could be just completely unlucky (and paranoid). YOU make the call!